Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
