you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
