He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
