Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
