I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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