dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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