is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
