I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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