It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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