I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
