New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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