You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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