Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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