I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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