She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
