Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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