Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
