I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
