Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
