dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
