just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
sex in a hospital.. check
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
