she was so not down for the gang bang
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
