we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
