so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
