Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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