The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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