goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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