Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
