giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
