We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
