I accidentally burped into my bong.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
