my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
