I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
