We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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