I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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