Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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