he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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