I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
