i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
