Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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