But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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