You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
