You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
