is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
