the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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