Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
