If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
