We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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