Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
