I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
