He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
