just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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